Focus

One thing that might be considered a characteristic of this blog is the irregularity of the posts. Especially in the last few months, my life has been incredibly hectic, reaching entirely new levels of busy. And yet, I am having a really hard time focusing. There are always many things I could be doing, but it seems that all I end up doing is surfing the internet or knitting. As the semester winds down and things get more and more crazy, my prayer is that the Lord will give me more focus than I've ever had in my life, because quite frankly I'm going to need all the help I can get!

Feeling Overwhelmed...

Hi all (whoever all might be...I'm not entirely sure anyone actually reads this...),

My final semester as an undergrad only started a week ago yesterday and I'm already overwhelmed. There seems to be so much to do. What with all the reading that I have and the actual assignments that come with that reading, and going to class, not to mention taking care of myself (eating well and working out) and spending time with the Lord, I honestly don't know what to do at this moment. I know I should be reading, but to be honest I am exhausted. The thing that really gets me is that I am actually enjoying all the classes I'm in and I can't imagine picking one not to take (not to mention the fact that I need all of them to graduate). The subjects of the courses I'm taking are truly interesting to me and are things that I want to learn more about. I think that might be part of the problem...I want to know everything there is to know about geography but now that I'm in all these classes, it seems kind of overwhelming and over my head. I think it all comes down to the fact that this semester will truly test my ability to prioritize and use my time wisely and efficiently. There need to be things that take precedent over other things, and I just need to learn how to do that more effectively. (Also, part of my problem is that when I feel like things are getting to be too much, I just stop and don't do anything at all, which is not good, at all)

As I continue to go through this term, I am praying that God will give me energy and focus and that He will help me to get myself organized and into something that resembles a routine. Because one thing I've realized is that I have a hard time sticking to routines...I really want to be consistent, and this semester will be the ultimate challenge for me in that respect. But as I write this, I feel even more determined to follow through and do my absolute best in all the tasks that face me between now and December 12th.

If you are reading this...I could use all the prayer I can get...this is not something I will be able to do on my own, that is something I am absolutely sure of.

Now it's time to sign off and get back to my reading (its always the reading...haha)

Bye for now!

Nana...

Hello all...I know I should have written about this sooner to ask you to be praying, but for some reason I felt a little weird because of everything that happened with my aunt a few weeks ago... Well, last week, my Nana was trying to step over the dog instead of making him move and she fell and broke her upper left arm (and according to my mom has some truly gruesome bruises to show for it on her arm, hip and cheek). Anyway, her right arm is pretty much useless from a car accident that happened when I was little, so with her left arm broken, she has very little mobility in terms of her arms. So she spent I think 3 days in the hospital last week (or maybe 4) and now she's in a physical therapy/rehab place, where she'll be probably for at least another week/week and a half. My mom says she's having some trouble because her mind isn't what it used to be so between that and the pain from the broken arm, she's not having an easy time (that and she likes to not do what she's told, which makes things more difficult...) So if you could be praying for her and my mom and the rest of my family, that would be wonderful. This summer has not been the best for my family, and honestly I'm kind of worn down between all the family stuff and school and right now I'm just praying that God will give me strength to get through this last week of summer school and that my two weeks at home will be as restful as they can possibly be, considering the circumstances.

Thank you all for your support and prayers...I know my mom and Nana are comforted by them

Aunt Anna...

So since this explanation is too complicated to post as a facebook status update or Tweet, I decided to try to put down some of what has been going on in a blog post. My Nana's older sister, Anna, was rushed to the hospital on Wednesday and by the end of the night, she was getting help breathing from a ventilator and was non-responsive. At that point, the doctors did not know what caused her condition, but after a "battery" of tests, they found a clot in her heart, which was later dissolved with blood thinners. However, either because of the lack of oxygen to her brain due to the clot or a stroke, she has suffered severe damage to her brain stem as well as other parts of her brain so that now she has very little or no brain function. She is no longer breathing on her own, and is only staying alive due to the ventilator and fluids they are administering.

That's the medical(ish) explanation of what is going on with my Aunt Anna, but the family/emotional side of it is much more complicated and confusing. Right now her husband, Uncle Diz and daughter Lisa are faced with the most difficult decision imaginable, deciding when to take her off the machines that are keeping her alive. The neurologist did several tests for brain function, but the results showed no reactions. It's hard to imagine a world without my Aunt Anna, most of my memories of her involve her amazing ability to know everything about everyone even when she wasn't able to go outside. As the oldest of seven kids, she has always been tough and when I interviewed her for a family history paper last fall, she gave me more information than I ever could have wanted. I think the hardest part for me is knowing how hard the coming days and weeks will be for Diz and her kids and also for my Nana and mom and Aunt Izzy. In all of this, the one thing that is certain is that God is faithful and that even in the hardest of situations, He is with everyone involved and His love will surround them. My prayer is that as things progress and change in the next few days, that I will be able to help somehow and be of as much comfort and assistance to my family as possible.

I want to thank everyone for their prayers and ask that you continue to pray for my family and Anna, that she will have peace and that my family will have peace in knowing that she is not in pain and that she is with the Lord. I will try to keep everyone posted, and I hope that God will continue to show Himself to all of us and remind us of His incredible faithfulness and love.

Busy Busy

I know its been kind of a long time since I've written, so I decided to use some of this lovely time in class to write a little something. But I'm not sure what to write... My life has been kind of boring lately, but surprisingly busy at the same time. Taking 15 credits over the summer might not be the greatest idea in the world, but it hasn't been too horrible considering what it could be. BUT it is still summer school and I do have about four papers to write in the next few weeks, which should be interesting if nothing else. Since I've been back in Denver, I've been spending a lot of time along again, and while it bothers me sometimes, at other times it has been kind of nice because it has given me time to get this work done and try to keep up with all five of my classes. As I think about what I've been writing here, it is awfully boring, isn't it? Oh well, I've kind of resigned myself to the fact that my life will indeed be boring from now until at least December because school is my life, and I have to be okay with that because there's no way around it at the moment... Well, I will try to think of something more interesting to write soon, but for now I'll just let you go and hope that the summer continues to go by quickly :)

Faithfulness

Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

In the three years since I started college, I've gotten into this habit of getting very reflective over my breaks. But for some reason, this break has been kind of mindless. By that I mean that I haven't been putting in hours of thinking about where I've been over the past semester and what the next one has in store. In the almost two weeks I've been at home, my days have mostly consisted of me doing my daily training, which is either a run, bike or swim, and then the afternoons are usually my time to knit and/or read/watch "The Office." But in the moments when I have stopped and thought about the past year and the rest of this one, I keep coming back to the same thing. Faithfulness. The Lord has been so incredibly faithful and has blessed me with the chance to study something I love and has helped me get through my classes and even do well in them! Now as I get ready to go back to start summer school, and then my last semester as an undergrad, I'm starting to research graduate programs and even in that, I have found some places that are researching the things that interest me the most! I can't believe how amazing God is and I am constantly reminded of just how faithful He is to keep His promises to us and walk beside us in every circumstance. It is such a blessing to sit back and feel so incredibly loved and at peace with where I am and what the Lord has in store for me in the coming months and years. Believe it or not, I am looking forward to being in school this summer, because I can see where it will take me and what it will enable me to do in the future. God is so good and His word truly does not return void! So of all that has happened in the past three years, the word faithfulness seems the best description.

Lessons Learned...on Spring Break

First off, I know what you must be thinking, how could anyone possibly learn something during a break that is known for its wild parties and antics. Well, my Spring Break this year was anything but typical! I had the chance to go to DC for ten days to see all the people there who I love but don't get to see anymore. While I was there, I was confronted with a lot of things about my life and the lives of my friends that I did not expect before the trip. Before I left Denver, I was so focused on getting a break from school and all the stresses that come along with it that I didn't really take time to think about what might await me in DC. Looking back, I wish I would have spent some time in prayer that God would be in all my interactions throughout my time there, but even though I didn't, I know that He was there. In every conversation and even in every moment of time by myself, He was there working in me and showing me things that I had been missing.

One of the most important things that I came away from the trip with was the realization that my time is not my own. Over the past few months I've been telling myself to enjoy this season of singleness because once its over, I will not just be accountable to myself with how I spend my time. But last Tuesday I went to the Gathering at AU and John spoke about giving our resources and using what we have to glorify God. He spoke about the widow in Mark 12 who gives all she has as an offering and it made me think about how little I give of myself and the resources I've been given. Then, on Sunday, back in Denver, the sermon was once again on giving. That made me really stop and examine how I give, or don't give and I realized that my time really isn't my own at all. At this juncture in life, I don't have much materially to give, but I do have my time and myself to offer and to give to others. All this time I'd been trying to make myself feel better by saying that my time is my own and it's great because that means I can do whatever I want whenever I want. But that is so untrue. Absolutely everything that I have has been given to me. My time is included in that and the way that I spend that time can either be glorifying to God or not. It's been a long time since something has seriously convicted me like this. But it has been a wake-up call, because I want to serve and use the resources I have to glorify the Kingdom of God, but I haven't been doing that as of late.

During my time in DC, things worked out in an incredibly cool way so that the time I was spending with my friends was for the most part in one-on-one situations where we got to spend some quality time together and really talk. Not just the superficial stuff that fills a lot of my conversations, but the heart stuff that I so dearly miss. Those conversations were such a reminder of how important community is and how important it is to have people in your life who will ask the tough questions and really push you to be better.

Not only did I get to talk about my life, I also got to hear about what was going on in their lives. One thing I've noticed since making the move out here is that it is very difficult to keep conversations current. A lot of my conversations with friends over the past 7 or so months have involved catching up on our respective lives. It takes so much effort to maintain friendships over long distances, and I will be the first to admit that I haven't been as diligent as I could be in terms of making sure that the lines of communication stay open. Lives get busy and its so easy to make excuses about why conversations, whether they be over the phone or email, can't happen. But after getting the chance to sit down and really hear how things are going, I really want to keep things current. It sounds so procedural and forced, but I think that while some friendships might only be for a season, there are people that God has brought into our lives for a reason, and it is worth the work to keep them up.

(Friendships are kind of like plants in that way, you need to take care of them and give them time and care to keep them alive. Some will inevitably fade, and that's part of life I suppose, but there are also some that will live and thrive, despite time and distance...they'll thrive.)

Okay...that was a random analogy I just thought of while I was typing...I've been thinking in analogies a lot lately. These pictures keep coming into my head, and I really wish I could draw, because it would be sweet to see them on paper, but I can describe them in words, which is something I suppose!

Well, I haven't written everything that I learned or realized on my trip, but the bottom line is that the trip was very purposeful, and while I might not have known it going in, I know now that God had me there for a reason and every conversation I had was for a reason...I might be sure exactly what it is yet, but I do know that God is doing something in me and I'm excited to see what that something is!

Enviro Overload

This semester I'm taking a class called "Contemporary Environmental Issues," and while the stuff we read and talk about in class is very interesting, it can also be very discouraging because we're learning all about all the things that we as a global population are doing to destroy our planet. After a while it can definitely get a little wearing. I mean, there comes a point when you read about all these chemicals we're releasing, and we don't know exactly what they are doing to the environment, and you wonder, Is there really anything I can do that will make even a minute difference in all of this??? I wonder if my individual actions, whether it be not buying things with harmful chemicals in them or buying "green" food, does it really make that much of a difference? But then on the other side, I think, well if everyone thinks like I do, we're really in trouble. I guess what it really comes down to is realizing that knowledge really is power and I need to be responsible enough to use the knowledge I have to not only change the way I interact with my environment, but to also try to educate people I interact with. Not in a preachy way, but I now that I know all of this stuff, I can't help but take it all into consideration when I go shopping, and I want my family to know these things too. Because I care about not only their safety and well-being, but I also want to do my absolute best to make sure that this world is taken care of for my children and other future generations.

So I guess it all comes down to realizing that it's going to be somewhat of a downer to learn about this stuff, but in the end, its necessary and vital to the future.

Working hard to Play hard

I think that more than any year before, this school year has taught me the value and truth in the idea that we work hard now so we can play hard later. In the next two weeks, I have an obnoxious amount of studying/work to do, but its all leading up to my much-anticipated trip to DC for my Spring Break. In the past, I would probably be spending more time stressing about all the work and complaining that it's ruling my life, but right now, its not as much of a burden as it is something to occupy my time until I leave! One of the nicest things about all of this work is that its taking my mind off counting down the days until I finally get to go see all of my friends. This work that I'm doing is for a very specific purpose, and it's actually not as burdensome as I thought it would be. Whenever I have a lot to do, I like to write out what needs to be done, so right next to me is a schedule of the work that needs to be done between now and the 19th. I wrote it out and it is presently taped to my desk, and whenever I finish a task, I get to cross it out, and that is one of the greatest feelings ever, let me tell you! I am here to be in school, and I am actually enjoying the work that I'm doing!!! It is such a blessing to be working toward a goal and to be enjoying the work done along the way!

My Big Brother

I know its been awhile since I've written, but basically my life is school right now and nothing has really inspired me to write. But in the past week or so I've had the chance to talk to my brother more than I usually do and through those conversations, I've been reminded of how much I love my brother. When we were growing up, we had some classic fights and got in trouble a lot for stupid bickering that siblings often engage in. As we got older, the fights got fewer and farther between and I think that especially now, when we don't get to see each other nearly as much as we used to, we've learned to enjoy the time we do have. Sometimes I forget how blessed I am to have a big brother who I not only love because he's my brother, but who I also enjoy spending time with. Not all siblings have that and I am so glad that he's my big brother! His interests do not necessarily interest me, but I still love hearing about what he does and telling all my friends and the people I meet that my brother is an engineer :)
One thing that we do agree on is music and movies. Well, mostly...he doesn't like the rom-coms that I do, but we do both enjoy a good action flick and I think half of the concerts I've been to in my entire life have been with Daniel. Now that we're both "in our twenties" (although I still feel like a junior-higher most of the time and he seems much older than me, even though the difference between us isn't even four years), we have a lot more in common than we ever have before. We can talk about how school is going for me, and I can empathize with him wanting to find a job that he loves and finding somewhere to settle down and find some sort of routine. I didn't realize this new commonality until recently, and I haven't even really told him about this realization, but it is nice to know that (for the most part, when he's not working), I have someone to talk to who is trying to process some of the same things I am. Its funny to think that just a few short years ago, we were fighting and sitting in my mom's car as punishment for that almost constant fighting. While we do have our disagreements (mostly involving music selection when we're driving somewhere), I love him, he's my big brother, and I am a very lucky to be his little sister!