Falling In...

Fall is my favorite season by far.  There's nothing quite like the magnificent colors and cooling temperatures that meander their way into our lives as we move closer to the end of the year.  Now that I live in the Northwest I am once again surrounded by trees that are displaying a color palette that never ceases to amaze and inspire me.  Every day when I step outside and look around and this city I still can't really believe I live in, I am struck by how complex this world is and how often I take for granted that complexity.  There are so many things about this place that, when I do stop to take them in, take my breath away.

On Saturday when I was driving out to the coast I had to remind myself more than once to focus on the road instead of how beautiful my surroundings were.  I would have been perfectly content to stop on the side of the road and spend my day listening to the wind rushing through the trees, but alas, I was on my way to meet my soon-to-be sister-in-law's mom and grandma so a day of forest sitting wasn't to be.  But what did await was just as beautiful as the trees.  The Oregon coast is one of the most visually striking places I've ever been.  The steep drop of the cliffs...the trees that thrive on their shelves...the waves crashing on the rocks...the sun setting in the distance creating a truly striking silhouette... I could keep going, but I'll just let the pictures speak for themselves...

Where do I start?

Well, I'm obviously failing at posting on this blog with any sort of regularity thus far...I don't have an excuse for it, I suppose it's just one more thing to add to the list of things I need to work on diligence wise.   But this I also refuse to let this blog be something I feel guilty about.  When I come to this page and start typing, I don't ever want to feel bad that it's been too long since the last time I wrote, I want to come here and feel freedom.  This is a place for me to record my thoughts and dreams without worrying about how often I write or how well-written the pieces might or might not be.  At this particular moment I will admit that I'm having trouble expressing what it is that's going on in my mind and heart, but suffice it to say it seems significant.  There's something going on...and my hope is that through writing some of this stuff down I'll be able to come to some sort of consensus and figure out, even if it comes in bits and pieces, what's happening to me.  It feels big and important and I'm both excited and terrified of what it is, but I'm determined to use this incredible space to figure it out...so bear with me, it's going to be an interesting ride...

Fresh Start

Well I'm here, sort of.  I'm in Oregon but won't actually be moving to Portland for 2 1/2 more weeks.  Part of me knows that I live in Oregon now, but part of me still feels like I'm just on vacation & in a few days I'll be going back to my life in San Diego.

But it's real, this is really happening.

I live in Oregon.

I am a graduate student.

I have my own apartment.

I am in a new city...where I know no one.

All of those statements can & have resulted in feelings of intense doubt and fear in the past.

But as I spend these next two weeks waiting for school to start and to move into my apartment, I am comforted in a sense of peace that truly surpasses my own understanding.  There is no earthly reason why I should not be stressed out of my mind right now, especially when considering my tendency to over-think everything and worry to the point of insomnia.

Yet I am not worried.  I know that I am where the Lord wants me to be.  In this time, I am supposed to be in this place...so now I can sit here and relax, turning away from the fear that has so easily consumed me in the past and relish the knowledge that this is exactly where I am supposed to be.

(As this adventure continues, I am determined to document it with a regularity that has been lacking in my previous flirtations with this blog...the intensely sentimental part of me really wants to be able to look back on this time & read what was going through my head as I built my new life in Portland)