Fours years later...

Four years ago today one of my dearest friends passed away. I can't believe that its been that long. Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday and sometimes it feels like a different lifetime. My life has changed so much since then, that its hard to really remember what it was like before I lost her. Many parts of who I am have been shaped by her death, and I think that it is something that will always be with me. I have tried to explain to some people what its like to lose someone in the way I lost this friend, but I don't think that the appropriate words have ever proceeded from my lips. Unfortunately enough, I have come to the conclusion that unless you have experienced this kind of loss, explanation really doesn't do it justice.

She was so young and so full of life, and I will always remember her as one of the funniest people I have ever met. She could always make me laugh with one of her silly jokes and I will forever love her for listening in any situation and encouraging me in one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make. I will never forget my first day at Uni. I had come from taking finals at my previous school and it was lunch time. I walked through the archway and onto the quad and was immediately overwhelmed by all the new people and began to question whether or not I should have been there. Then, before I really knew what was happening, I was almost knocked over by this blur that ran up and gave me one of the best hugs I have ever received. It was my dear friend. She welcomed me into this new environment with open arms and I was immediately taken and introduced to her friends (who became my friends) and felt more welcome than I ever thought possible.

Since her passing, I have struggled with wanting to know why and desperately wishing that I could have talked to her. There were times when I would dream that it wasn't real and I would be at school and there she was, telling everyone that she had just been on vacation...then I would wake up and realize that it was all too real.

One thing that I have realized in the past four years is that my Lord is the greatest comfort anyone could ever ask for. While there are still times and probably always will be times when I feel sad and miss her terribly, the healing that the Lord has brought to my heart is something that I will forever cherish. His love is boundless and I know that now in a way that I never hoped for in the past.

Malini is gone, but her impact on my life will always be there. She is missed but I know that she is with a God who adores her and who died to save her.

I miss you my dear friend...